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oh baby you’re my drug, i was just your cigarette.. i was nothing you could be proud of

 

i’m not going to sit here and whine and complain about how men suck..but they do.

i’ve been seeing this guy tyler for around eight months. he’s 26 and i’m 19. we have broken up a lot because he hardly puts forth any effort into our relationship. part of the reason is just his personality.. capricorn, you know..  the really big downer to this whole situation is i have fallen head over heels in love with him. i haven’t told him straight up or anything, but it’s pretty obvious. i can’t stay away from him. when we’re fighting i get so upset i feel physically sick. i’ve never been like this with other guys. i don’t know what to do. part of the reason i’m so attached might be because Tyler pretty much saved my life without knowing it, but that’s a story for a different time. anyways, i know he doesn’t feel the same way. he might be moving to california for a new job and it will completely break my heart. i just want to turn off my sense of feeling for awhile. i don’t like another person having this much control over my emotions. i’m literally not happy unless he’s around, and i’ve NEVER been that type of girl before..ugh, it’s just awful…

loving someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you is torture. my self esteem is shot. i feel so pathetic.

 

 

quotes xoxo

 

 

You can’t go forcing something if it’s just not right.

 

“promise you won’t ever leave me again.”

 

There have been lots of cars in my driveway and lots of boys on my couch. I’ve toyed with bad boys, mamma’s boys, and country boys. Been broken by a few and broken a few myself. I’ve never said “I love you” and never had the need to. I’ve been the rebound, the challenge, the fall back, and the girlfriend. I’ve been the mistake and the correction. one day someone will love me for what I’ve been and what I am, where I’ve been and where I am; one day, someone will love me for me.

 

 

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. it’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

 

 

Sometimes you just feel empty, lonely, insignificant. And it doesn’t matter what you do, no it doesn’t matter how many laps you run, musicals you join, classes you skip or how many pairs of shoes you buy – you still feel like crap. Sometimes i just feel like taking off, selling everything i own and running away to somewhere so distant, running away into the unknown.

 

 

“Hate in my heart, love in my mind
I seen nights full of pain, days of the same
You keep the sunshine, save me the rain
I search but never find, hurt but never cry”

 

This is why you should never, ever, get your hopes up. This is why you should see the glass as half empty. So when the whole thing spills, you aren’t as devastated.

 

 

Go ahead, leave me like you always do.
I’m ready this time.

 

 

Sometimes I love you, Sometimes I hate you. I know you struggle, too
It’s in your nature. Cause you and me were never meant to be together
But you took off your dress. And something in that mess got changed forever.
Some days, a break through. Some days, a break down.
When I fall out of love, you meet me on the way down.

 

 

And if there’s no tomorrow, and all we have is here and now, I’m happy just to have you, you’re all the love I need somehow.

 

 

Don’t think that because I loved so hard, I can’t be hard when the hating starts
So take your wounded out cos I’m not so sentimental now
Take everything, take what you see.

 

 

i need someone who can keep up with me. i want someone aggressive, who pushes me to my breaking point where i just wanna scream. someone who will tell me that i’m not always right, and that sometimes i have to apologize for what i do wrong. i need someone who’s gonna set me straight because no one has ever cared enough about me to try.

 

 

Baby, I was not the one. I guess you know that now. But I kept you real
distracted for a while. I look back and nothing much ever comes to mind
Sometimes I can picture half a smile. We were thick as thieves
Hung on each others sleeves. Kissing all the time.

 

 

“Sometimes, you just can’t tell anybody how you really feel. Not because you don’t know why, not because you don’t know your purpose, not because you don’t trust them… but because you can’t find the right words to make them understand.”

 

 

Love it can make your world bring you alive
But I wasn’t dead before. So baby, you ain’t hard to survive.

 

Well things have been kind of heavy these days, trying to figure out which road to take. There is many decisions to be made, and the only time I feel okay is when I’m in your arms.

 

 

Love, let me try again. I reach out, but you’re nowhere to be found
And time stands still, when i hear your voice. The perfect sound, the best around.

 

 

I’ve been running around for the past year with absolutely no direction. I didn’t know what I wanted. All I knew was that you were always there, always in my head, always under my skin.

 

 

Six AM unruffled pillow
Laughs out loud at my trusting heart

 

 

Forget all those places that you’ve never really been, and all those situations you somehow found yourself in. Let your body sink into me, like your favorite memory, like a line of poetry, or a fucking fit of honesty. I’ll do my best to keep you

 

 

Sweet like a kiss sharp like a razor blade
I find you when I’ m close to the bottom
You cant appreciate the time it takes
To kick a love I always knew was kind of wrong

 

 

You see, you closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too – even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re falling.
–Mitch Albom

 

 

Baby baby baby bring me down
You can look me in the eyes and break my heart

 

 

no one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. no one stays in love by chance, it is by work. and no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice.
-matthew 10:32

 

 

“shut up, wipe those tears from your hazel eyes, print out a picture of him & throw darts at it until there’s a hole in your fucking bedroom wall. Look in the mirror and scream until you cant breathe, blast your favorite song and laugh. I want you to find yourself again. Because the girl i knew six months ago before she met that asshole who changed her temporarily used to not give a shit about what people say. He fucking destroyed you, and nobody messes with my friends, give me his number; his life is about to be hell.”

 

 

Your sweet moving, the smell of you in every single dream I dream. I knew when we collided, you’re the one I have decided who’s one of my kind

 

 

 

I said my goodbyes
and wiped my hands clean
but the lack of you is starting to kick in.

 

 

If you were falling, then I would catch you. You need a light, I’d find a match. Cuz I love the way you say good morning. And you take me the way I am.

 

 

I need to come to realize that he’s just a guy, a special one, maybe, but he’s not mine. I don’t need to do things to make him love me. if he wanted to, he would.

 

 

Love is a fire, but whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell

 

 

i wish you hadn’t turned your back. i wish you had explained. i wish you hadn’t made me lose my faith in everything.

 

 

I am standing here, and you are standing here. Take a chance already. Take a chance before you miss it. I’ll take a step closer, this time I won’t step back. Near me once more, take my hand for my walls they are down and your walls are demolished. We are bare, open, exposed, waiting, waiting for something more. Waiting to be told it’s okay. Take the step. For God’s sake please just take that fearful step and don’t you dare hold back this time. Don’t bite that lip of yours just let those beautiful words flow, don’t think anymore. Let your mind run free, let your arms find my body

 

 

Don’t let him have the satisfaction of knowing you’ll always be there waiting.

 

 

The answers become a jumble of nervous spitting words. For to say what we really feel…well that would mean a life altering change could occur. And I believe we are both to unsure of its outcomes.

 

 

And one day i hope you look back at what we had, and regret every single thing you did to let it end.

 

 

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

 

 

He ain’t feelin’ anythin’
my love, my hurt or the sting of this rain
I’m drivin’ through a hurricane
All he can say, “Man ain’t it such a nice day?”
Hey, hey I guess we’ll just go to waste….
like dead flowers….

 

 

you jump, i jump. remember? i can’t turn away and not know if you’re okay.
— Titanic

 

 

Desperation
There’s danger in frustration
Complicated words slipping off of your tongue and ain’t one of them the truth
I’m still desperate for you

 

 

you choose whether or not you open your heart to love. and you know what i think? i think you do love me. or you could love me. but you’re just too stubborn and scared to admit it because the last time you really gave your heart to someone, it got broken. and i get that. i’ve been there. but somewhere along the line, you gave up on the idea that you deserve to feel this way again.

 

 

There he goes gone again
Same old story’s gotta come to an end
Lovin’ him was a one way street
But I’m gettin’ off where the crossroads meet

 

 

I don’t know what I want anymore. All I want to do is listen to music and watch the clouds go by, but that doesn’t pay the bills.

 

 

Oh baby, you’re my drug
I was just your cigarette
I was nothing you could be proud of
I have lost my self respect

 

 

She said show me the world thats inside your head, Tell me your secrets of life and death, and your one regret
Cause sometimes it comes with a shove, when you fall in love

 

 

 

that’s all for now. i’m going to go visit my pap in the hospital, he had a severe heart attack yesterday.. but the doctors say he’s going to be okay. hopefully they are right. i love my pap so much.

 

c-ya guys

 

^^ haha me on st. patricks day this year in Atlanta

 

^ that’s me and Tyler a few months ago. it’s definitely not a “good” picture..but i only have a few because he never lets me take his picture and this is the only one where he is smiling.

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