well.. i think we’re done..
he called me a fucking idiot in a serious way because i misheard what he said?
i just sent him this text.. i’m expecting him to either delete it before even reading it or not respond because he just ‘can’t be bothered’ …
9:59 PM “if you dont wanna be with me why dont you just tell me that? dont string me along for when your bored or its convenient. im a really strong person tyler.. if this relationship is too much for u then just be real about it cuz this is not fair to me.. i honestly care about u even tho u are such an asshole most of the time.. its like u can do whatever u want but i cant.. im just sick of being the only one in this.. you make me feel like a fuckin burden when all i want is for you to be happy. but i do have self respect and ive been noticing for some time now it seems like i mean nothing to you, and u never tell me otherwise…so.. unless u tell me u want me in your life and that im not just some chick to pass the time… i cant do this anymore.”
man, i need some serious alcohol… i feel like i lost 3/4 of me…
i can’t even cry..
i’m just completely numb.
I Said …
10:18 PM “well i guess u ‘cant be bothered’… thats fine. sorry i wasnt everything u wanted me to be. really i am. hope u get the life u always wanted and i rly hope one day u can learn to stop dwelling on the bad things and just be happy and not take for granted the people that really truly care about you.”
He Said …
10:27 PM “all of this shit cause i don t want to drink”
I Said …
10:29 PM “No.. You know dag on well i wouldnt seriously be mad about that… it just seems like u make excuses to not see me but ur always there for ur friends. i mean its ur life tyler but please just dont fuck with my head. it wouldnt be so bad if i rly had anyone else but my family is about as messed up as it gets so it would just be nice to have someone to depend on for once. If you dont wanna be with me then just tell me. No more bullshit. You never tell me anything, ever.”
10:32 PM “and its not like its just this one time either.. i can never rely on you.. Ever.. and none of our problems ever fixed u just ignore them all so nothing gets fixed and i can only take soo much before im like what the fuck is the point? if u dont care then nothing i do or say is going to change that.”
.. i just need closure.. i mean obviously thats not what i want.. what i want is for him to tell me he does care.. but i’m not going to hold my breath on that one.. i just need to either step forward or away, no more of this standstill meaningless shit.. i’m completely broken..
once i let go, thats it, its done. there wont be a
second chance after i choose not to hold on
because its up to me right now. if i keep holding on,
maybe he will too. but im holding on by a thread
& im getting tired. i just want to know if i should
cut it now, or keep my heart dangling,
waiting for an answer.
I Said …
11:06 PM “i know i always come back to you.. but this time i wont.. because even tho u wont say it you are making it clear youd rather me walk out of ur life right now than take the time to move forward.. it just sucks cuz i rly love being with you.. even if we don’t do anything like last night, id rather be with u than anywhere else.. but if the roles were reversed u would never just come stay with me cuz i was sick.. and i know ur a good person tyler so why dont u just tell me the truth? please. i seriously don’t ask you for much. we have been together since july you owe me at least this much.. please.”
11:09 PM “we are either gona get better and ur gona quit half assing everything.. or we are just done… cuz doing it ur way is not fair to me at all. its now or never. i want something real, not this.”
1:41 AM “so? Not gona respond ?”
sent that last one drunk.. my friend caitlin that i was with called him because she wanted to do a prank call but ended up just telling him it was her. she said he didn’t act like anything was wrong he said he was going to “call me tomorrow when i had calmed down” .. like i was overreacting for no reason? i swear i hate him.. now i’m just fucking mind boggled.. i’m going to tie him to a chair and make him tell me what the fuck is going on in his confusing as shit brain.. ughh.. i can never get anywhere with this.. he will be the death of me…
“rather than fix the problems, you never solve them…it makes no sense at all.”